Irribitter prose (taken from the cancer blog)

(I decided this post was appropriate to post in both of my blogs, so I am copying it from the blog I created about my Dad's leukemia...

I cannot sleep because I slept too late today (I dreamed well). 


I am highly annoyed. 

Today is my father's birthday & he is spending it in the hospital, less than a  week after his bone marrow transplant was performed 

[translation ---> he feels like shit]

We cannot bring him cake because he has no appetite for sweets.
In fact, he has no appetite for anything (yay, chemo). 
We're lucky if he chokes down 4 oz of yogurt for lunch. 

Candles aren't allowed on the unit, for obvious reasons. 
What a lovely celebration. 

:-( ----------> :-)

Let's turn that frown upside down, now, shall we?

:-( ----------> :-)

 I, we, are extremely grateful that my father has spent another year with us. 

Let's hope, dream, wish, and pray that there will be many more spent. 

...............

 Ok, now, let's satisfy that irribitter (clever, eh?) mood I'm in. 

Maybe then I can sleep. 

And dream of dolphins & ocean & sunshine with rays that sprinkle across the sky like glitter. 

I'll swim in the waves & the dolphins will dance with me. 

Maybe a sea turtle will take me away.

And feed me the potion that will turn me into a mermaid (I turned down the jellyfish because, after all, they are boring)

& I could stop feeling emotion. 

And anger. 

For the pain & suffering my father is going through. 

For his fucking bone marrow allowing only cancer cells to be alive & well (NOT very nice). 

For his having to sleep alone, scared in a hospital. 

For my mother sleeping alone, scared, in their bed. 

For my mother's tired, stressed, exhausted eyes that are spent  caring for the only man she loves, when they should be well, together, traveling Europe.

For their worry, fear, & loneliness. 

For my sisters & I, worry, fear. 

Fear that we will lose our father far too early. 

Fear that my loving parents will be torn apart. 

Fear that he will never see Baby Fig, Ashley's wedding, or meet the fool I end up with.

Pray for us.